[radioactive myth]

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
dog-nova
assiraphales

I just started watching a show called deadloch and while there is a fandom presence I am SHOCKED more people didn’t go crazy about it. so i am left to assume to u just didn’t know about it. so here is a sales pitch; murder mystery!! the first line of the show is “his dick is on fire”. the buddy comedy with messy cringefail protagonists except they’re girls you’ve been waiting for. mid 40s lesbian drama. dark humor. a naughty seal that everyone thinks eats human flesh. small town petty feuds and nosy neighbors. chaotic detective who refuses to wear regulation uniform and instead stomps around in an unwashed hawaiian shirt

assiraphales

do it for them

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hashtagloveloses
wiliecoyotegenius

HOLD UP

Jonathan describing Dracula's hands back in May:

“Welcome to my house! Enter freely and of your own will!” He made no motion of stepping to meet me, but stood like a statue, as though his gesture of welcome had fixed him into stone. The instant, however, that I had stepped over the threshold, he moved impulsively forward, and holding out his hand grasped mine with a strength which made me wince, an effect which was not lessened by the fact that it seemed as cold as ice"

Jack Seward describing Jonathan's hands now:

"We men are all in a fever of excitement, except Harker, who is calm; his hands are cold as ice."

"It will be a bad lookout for the Count if the edge of that “Kukri” ever touches his throat, driven by that stern, ice-cold hand!"

Both of their hands are described as strong/stern, and cold as ice...

see-arcane

Dracula, starting out as a white-haired, bloodthirsty, strong, cold-handed horror whose actions have his victim, Jonathan Harker, desperately trying to get back home: Ha ha, love this for me! Now to narratively steal your identity as a dark-haired young Englishman and go about enjoying myself with no expectation of violent interruption

Jonathan: Oh, so you're not using the old identity anymore? I can just have this? :)

Dracula: what

Jonathan, white-haired, bloodthirsty, strong, cold-handed horror whose actions have his victim, Count Dracula, desperately trying to get back home: Thanks :) 🔪

cianmars
geekandmisandry

My boyfriend just woke up, mostly still asleep and told me “don’t worry, it’s getting better” in a heavy, American accent, which is unusual for an Australian man.

“Why are you American?” I asked, to which I got:

“Sorry, it’s getting better” in a stereotypical posh English accent.

“Why are you English?” I asked, amused.

“What is he normally?” He managed to ask.

“He? You’re not anyone else, you’re you.”

“Ugh, me” was the last thing he said, in a right proper Aussie accent before he fell back into proper sleep.

neverblogidly

Bitch just thwarted a ghost possession by judging his accents

geekandmisandry

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kvotheunkvothe
aholefilledwithtwigs

I once had a landlord offhandedly mention that his mother had set this house on fire before. He and his wife lived on the first floor, and i rented the third.

Apparently his mom didn’t like his wife. So she set their house on fire. The house i was living in.

He assured me that everything was fine now and that this was years ago, just kinda laughed, smiled, and said ‘You know how moms are’

Yes. I know how moms are. I know how fucked up moms are as well. I have known many fucked up moms and fellow children of fucked up moms.

Attempted murder through arson is not typical mom behavior, even for a fucked up abusive mom

Oh, and his mother lived next door 🙃

aholefilledwithtwigs

There were two houses next door to each other, both owned by the same family. They had lived there for decades, and for my landlord it was also his childhood home. Each house had three floors that acted as separate units. Every unit in the two houses was occupied by members of the extended family— except for me. I was the oddball living in the attic of one of the houses.

This is the family dynamic i was tossed into

HOUSE ONE

  • 1st floor— landlord and his wife
  • 2nd floor— identical twin sister of landlord’s wife, occasionally children (not clear whose)
  • 3rd floor— me ☺️

HOUSE TWO

  • 1st floor— landlord’s mother, who previously set house 1 on fire
  • 2nd floor— adult daughter of twin sister, her young kids, and current man (changes of man signified by throwing clothes out of window)
  • 3rd floor— creepy brother of the twin sisters who is always outside working on his van

Yes, the rent was dirt cheap

aholefilledwithtwigs

The rent was so cheap that i usually paid in cash— ATM fees were about the same as money orders (and i didn’t have checks)

Then one day my landlord is in his truck, pulling out the driveway when he stops and asks

‘Hey— you haven’t been short on rent these last few months, have you?’

No… I had been paying in full, on time

To his wife. In cash

He wasn’t normally home when i would go to pay rent, so i would give it to her. Figured it was the same as giving it to him.

Turns out instead she was pocketing $100 off the top and telling him i was short each month.

And he knew it was happening. He just wanted to confirm.

‘Each month she makes it her little pay day! Well you know how wives are’

Sir, you need to reevaluate the women in your life because this level of stealing and attempted murder is not normal

ace-disgrace-on-the-case

“You know how moms/wives are” is a statistical error. Landlord Georg, whose wife and mother steal from and attempt to kill him, respectively, was a outlier and should not be counted

aholefilledwithtwigs

Additional fun fact! The reason he was hard to get a hold of? He worked a crazy schedule that always changed.

He was a hospital chef. Oh. And a wedding dj. He tried many, many times to hire me to help work dj events for him.

I would politely decline

nico-the-overlord

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This whole thing reads as at least a 30k notes post wdym it only has 130 notes

tumblehcendrum

EARLY ON A BIG POST FOR ONCE

mamawardentotherescue
shubbabang

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dark-wizard-guy-fieri

context (via @mellorocket)

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chimthecappy

doubly funny that I saw a compilation of all the corporate accounts like "aw thanks elmo, we're doing well" meanwhile all the flesh and blood real human people are extremely not okay

artistefish

Okay but Elmo had actually the best and sweetest response to all this trauma dumping:

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And then all the other Sesame Street character accounts joined in:

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And now I’m thinking maybe we’re gonna be okay… 💗

(Comment compilation from this Twitter)

aqueerkettleofish

I kinda feel for the poor person running Elmo's Twitter.

"So, boss... I may have messed up."

"What did you do, Ray?"

"Well, I made a post for Elmo saying 'Hi, how's everybody doing?'"

"I mean, that's kind of what we pay you for."

"Yeah, but.... <sigh> it turns out pretty much everyone is hanging on by a thread, badly enough that they needed to tell Elmo."

"Oh."

"God help me, boss, I think Elmo needs to be there for them."

"Get the others."

shu-of-the-wind

this is the energy that jim henson would be proud of.